I have been asking my son all the time to do things on time. I ask him to get up on time, go to play on time, have food on time, study on time and the most important watch television on time. He never ever did what I told him. I was so confused. Why does he do that? I used to get angry at him and shouted as loud as a tigress. I showed I’m upset with him. He used to immediately start doing what I had asked him to do. Whenever I talked in such a manner my son did things in compulsion, he was not doing things willingly. I could see him doing things with a low face and then throwing tantrums later.
Children think parents are to scream and shout and we think kids do what they want to and not obey parents. Interestingly it was something else happening which I realized later. I was preparing for few exams and asked my son to study while I was studying. To my surprise he sat on his own and did all the things on time. I was so happy to see him do all the work on time. I asked him “how have you changed ? “. He said “Mummy, when you can sit on time, study on time, eat on time, sleep on time, watch TV on time so why cant I “ I was surprised and happy.
That’s when I realized that we are basically observers. What we observe we eventually do the same. My son was doing as I was doing for so many days and years. It’s not possible you ask your son to draw when he is not seeing any one drawing around him. You cannot ask them to study while you are watching television. You cannot stop them to fight and argue incase you do the same in front of them or with them. You cannot ask them to ignore and be calm if you loose your temper every after 10 minutes. You can’t stop them using abusive language incase you are using them while driving, on the phone or in the family while talking. We need to gear up. Children are observing us every minute. They will imitate the same later. I would humbly request you all to talk to the children as much as we can. What we think is not what they are thinking.
I remember during a workshop on communication skill an example was discussed. A boy of class 1 gave a rose to his class teacher and touched her hand whenever he got the opportunity. The teacher got upset and without talking to the child she called the parents in the principal office. The father and the son were sitting next to the teacher in the principal office. As the complaint started taking the shape of an argument the principal asked all of them to be quite. He asked the small boy “why do you touch the teacher ?” the boy said “ my teacher always wears a sleeveless blouse and the same type of blouse my mother use to wear” the principal said “ so why do you touch her?” the boy said “ she died 6 months back but I don’t feel her absence as I always see my mother in my teacher”. That was the line to be uttered and the teacher was shocked and in tears. She repented for her action and left the teaching profession since then.
A simple conversation can help us to know the mindsets of our children. Every human is unique, some thoughts might be similar but most of the time they differ. I have been through many instances where I feel I was wrong and the child was right. I feel I have become mature in handling small issues of children. I was wrong ! every time I have to sit and talk to the children and we really take time for a comfortable solution.
These issues might be very small for us to think as we have passed that age but they are very important for children as it keeps disturbing them. I feel they have a small world of their own which is sometimes bullied, abused, argued etc. which for them becomes difficult to handle and they fall in the trap of fighting their own battle without any guidance. They stop for asking guidance as the people to give them guidance stop listening to them and empower their thoughts on them. Children are very soft by emotion, sweet to talk, simple in thoughts , smart to observe and they have beautiful smile and eyes to express the most honest feeling to you. Children are the reflection of the parents, family, values, education on the society. I am happy I am understanding my baby and enjoying the parenthood.
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